Monkey Bay Hospital.

Today I was working at Monkey Bay Hospital, we are limited by what we can do whether we are qualified or not. So basically it means doing blood pressures with broken stethescopes, weighing people on broken scales and taking temperatures with faulty thermometers...

The wards were not actually as busy as normal today and I spent my time in maternity and paediatrics...it is incredible what the women here do and I don't know how the patients that survive actually do so. Put it this way, I wont be moaning about the NHS ever again.

The women come in to give birth in huge numbers, they give birth in a small room....together, there are two beds so if more than two are in labour they are on the floor. They give birth without drugs, usually without supervision and without making a sound. It is the most undignified thing I have ever seen but they never ever complain.

The kids don't complain in the childrens ward, they just sleep and lie there very still no matter how bad they feel. There were babies admitted with severe dehydration yet weren't attached to any fluids. Those lucky enough to be on drips were empty anyway.

There is a new maternity wing being built so they are hoping to encourage the fathers to be with their wives during labour and birth. This is not common currently and I did not see a single pregnant woman with a man and trust me there were hundreds, most of them as young as fifteen and certainly not on their first child. It is a million miles from what we know. But I don't think there is any way of changing it. The staff at the hospital weren't horrible, I don't think it is possible for a Malawian to BE horrible but they didn't seem to happy about us being there. Maybe it is a bit patronising of the Mazungus to think we know better than them when they have leaved and breathed this this life for so long.

Luckily I survived the morning without a death, they had lost a baby shortly before we began I think, it is harder for the volunteers with vast medical knowledge because they are watching people die who could be treated very easily in the West. More upsetting to see is that there are people there quite literally just waiting to die...there is nothing more that can be done with them, not here in Malawi anyway.

On the other hand at least there are people here trying, a poorly equipped hospital is better than no hospital at all...

This afternoon I was teaching a HBC class in Namakoma village, this is what we call Home Based Care. People are selected from each village to come to classes and they learn basic first aid and biology etc and they can then learn about illness and disease and how they can treat it. So few people can actually reach a hospital that by giving someone within the village some medical knowledge, the villagers stand a much better chance of surviving whatever they come down with.

Yesterday I managed to see Grace, she was back at school and although a little subdued she was feeling better. I'm not sure if she had malaria as they tend to just label any illness as malaria over here but none the less I am relieved she returned. I am dreading the day a child does not come back...Kevin has been absent from Chilombo orphanage for two days now...

Tionana...

Hardest day...

Today has definitely been my hardest so far. This morning I was back at Monkey Bay orphanage and happily awaiting the arrival of the children when Wyson mentioned that Grace had been taken to hospital with malaria. He was so blase about it I thought he was just messing around but he did pop over to her house and came back saying she was feeling better and may be back at school tomorrow. I am going there again tomorrow for sports day with Anna so if she doesn't show I will go round and see her aunt and see if she really is ok.

Yesterday I was back at Chilombo orphanage and I noticed a toddler called Kevin sitting very quietly and looking very sad. I'm sure he has been there the other times I've taught there but I've not paid him any attention before because some of the smaller ones are genuinely a bit scared of us. I couldn't help but notice that there was a different degree of sadness to this one so I sat close to him and held his hand for a while. Gradually his grip got tighter and tighter and very slowly he started leaning into me and was eventually just draped across my lap. He didn't make any noise at all and I don't think he ever has done apart from to cry. His eyes are permanently fixed on the ground...

I asked the teacher, Esnart why he was so sad and she said because he had no parents and lived with an old man, she also said he is sick - his belly is very swollen so clearly very malnourished. All the children are malnourished, some more than others but this one looks particularly bad and the other bad cases are certainly not as subdued. He looks completely traumatised and I suppose if he has lost both his parents he may well be. Over here, living with an old man is not good for young children, he is clearly desperately starved of affection and it was heartbreaking when I had to leave, he was hysterical, tried to follow me and it took two people to pull him away from me.

So today I was back with Esnart giving her my usual Tuesday afternoon English lesson and I tend to try and have just a general conversation with her at first because it gives me a better idea of how her spoken English is. I asked about Kevin and she told me a bit about him but said that his mum had died, his dad was away or had been arrested and that he actually had malaria as well. Two in one day.

She then took me to his house. She checked the old man was not there first and I'm not entirely sure why which worries me because I am overcome with a need to go back and find out more about this little boy. There were young adults milling around the house and I think, but am not sure, that the girls look after Kevin during the day while the old man is out farming. More and more people came to have a nose at the visiting Mazungu and they were all laughing because it is well known that Kevin is very sad, they said he has NEVER smiled...

Inevitably I had to leave and he cried and cried and cried, no one even picked him up when I left - this isn't really a comforting culture and the older kids, even the five year olds are unbelievably tough.

I told Felicity, one of the coordinators here about him and she is hopefully going to get me back there to find out more about him. I asked if he'd ever been to hospital or had medicine and I got a lot of head shaking in return. So I hope to see him at least twice before I come back home and see what can be done, his situation needs drastic improvement but sadly, so does the situation of most people here...I literally cannot describe how sad he looks, normally we can coax a smile out of the young ones who are just scared but this one - nothing, I wish I'd realised he wasn't just scared and actually very sick sooner so I could have done something. I feel awful even when I do see him because I just add to the trauma he seems to be going through when it is time to leave. I did not think it physically possible for a child to look so sad...

Tomorrow I will check up on Grace and in the afternoon try and get cover for the wound clinic so I can head back to Chilombo, ideally with a translator in tow so something can be done for Kevin. My heart will actually break when I leave him.

One week left in Malawi.

Tionana.....

Third week down...

I have done so much since I last wrote that I'm not sure where to begin and pretty sure I will forget a lot of things. I'll start with today and work back, that's the only plan I have!

So today I was on the malaria project again and we were handing out nets in Namakoma village which means walking round the houses and treating their nets and waiting for them to dry before they can be hung up in the houses. It was absolutely exhausting but worthwhile all the same.

This afternoon I was going to my first Home-based care project but it was cancelled and they were concentrating on the beginning of a new HIV group in Namgoma which was basically lots of singing and dancing and some drama and being swarmed by kids which was great fun. The HIV groups gives somewhere for victims to learn about their condition and feel safe about being open about it - that is a pretty brave thing to be able to do over here and I think we rarely get men attending as they do not want to be known as carriers.

Yesterday I had another sports day at Monkey Bay Orphanage which again consisted of getting all the orphans fed and then well...throwing them in the lake, it's their favourite! It was yesterday that I noticed one of my favourite little girls, Grace, had not turned up and I mentioned this to Wyson, their teacher. He said she lived next door so he took me there and I met her aunt, she was running late because Grace was having a bath - I learnt then that as I feared she had lost both parents.

It was a real blow to have it confirmed but I should have been prepared for it really. This week has been the toughest emotionally because I am getting to know people better. I do not want to know if Taiti, another favourite at Chilombo Orphanage has lost one or two parents but I expect I will be told either way eventually.

I found today's HIV group really overwhelming as well, it was the first time I properly had to compose myself to stop from crying but I'm not really sure what started it. I had so many children around me and one looked very sad that we were leaving and then I had to just take myself away fairly quickly.

I am hoping to buy some toys when I leave for Chilombo orphanage as they really have nothing there and some of the kids are just toddlers and do not always understand fully the english we are teaching the older ones, I think they would like to play with toys, they get easily distracted when we try and do a 45 minute lesson with them.

We have two new people, as of Monday, David who is a paramedic and is great fun and Laura who is on her gap year and wanting to study medicine. There wont be any more new people until the Monday before I leave so I will only meet them briefly and I am very sad to have to say goodbye to Maxi this Monday.

I am so excited to be coming home in just over a week but I am starting to become very attached to certain things and people so it will also be a sad occasion. The mice next to me are running riot in the office and I am starting to think they will go for my toes if I don't go inside soon.

I miss and love you all, I have so much more I could write again...but where to start, this has been an all together much more heartbreaking and HARDER experience than I could ever have imagined...tionana...x

Almost half way...

I have spent the entire weekend at the house and am now feeling very lethargic, need Monday to come around quicker so I can re-energise!

Tomorrow I am spraying more houses for the malaria project and also at the wound clinic again in the afternoon. It is Izzy's 19th birthday tomorrow so we will be finishing up at 4pm and heading out for a second sunset cruise before the two new arrivals get here.

I have been doing some one-on-one english lessons with the teacher at Chilombo orphanage, her name is Esnart and she understands more than she is able to let on - I think! I have been to this orphanage more than the others and now know a handful of children by name and face, there is so many of them, this is a lot harder than it sounds. My favourite at this place is a 3 year old called Tait, pronounced Tai-ee-ti. I daren't ask if she has lost just one or both parents.

The children turn up wearing the same dirty ripped clothes most days, they bring some food if they have it - this is usually a small bag of nuts or the more well off kids have a packet of crisps. Not what we would consider a filling or nutrional lunch but it's better than nothing. Some kids do turn up with nothing but the others will share with them. Malawi is definitely the sharing culture that was explained to us when we arrived.

We had a poker night on Friday which ended a hard morning nicely. A couple of us decided to have a dip in the lake...lesson learnt, it doesn't matter that hippos have never been seen near this shore - DO NOT go in the lake after dark!

I am looking forward to starting the weeks work again, mainly because there is so little to do other than lesson planning or reading at the weekends. Next weekend we will be heading to Cape Maclear on Friday afternoon, a four hour boat trip with snorkeling and dorm accommodation at Fat Monkeys - a guide book favourite.

I want to write more about the state of living here but someone needs the extension from the office to power the water pump! Ah Africa!

I will try and write more in a few days - I am really really homesick at the moment and maybe I will paint to much of a depressing picture of life here if I write whilst feeling this way!

Tionana xx

WAWA

Hello from Malawi!

My flight here was pretty uneventful, I made it so that was my first achievement! 11 hours to South Africa, 2 and a half to Malawi and then a four hour drive.

There is nothing here except hut after hut after hut after hut and the sheer number of people you see everywhere you go is just mind blowing, there is definitely no shortage of people in Africa. I am staying in a large and somewhat luxury volunteers house - at the moment there is about 12 of us, two just left and three more coming next Monday. There is a mixture of medical, teaching and sports coaching volunteers. Everyone is really nice, the age range is pretty wide, 17-60 I think,

I have so far worked at 3 orphanages, they are all very different but only one I would say are the kids taught well. They know English but only to chant numbers or letters, if you ask them a number outside of the chant they have no clue what we mean. It is almost an impossible task to single handedly educate and entertain 60+ children who don't speak English and can be aged 2 or 5. But it is better than nothing.

We have started work on the malaria prevention scheme which involves surveying whole villages, spraying their houses with Fendona and providing mosquito nets - in the first year of this prior to me being here they had a village with over 300 cases of Malaria and 18 or so deaths. After the treatments and six months, there were only 5 cases of Malaria and NO deaths - its pretty simple work, the spraying is exhausting in this heat, but that is such a huge impact! We have a long long long list of villages to get through, the last village had 206 houses in it and it took a whole day just to treat 11 houses this week and that was a good day!

We have HIV groups which I am yet to teach. It is hard to get people from the villages to these groups and therefore educated on prevention or treatment they mostly desperately need. There is such a huge stigma here surrounding HIV that no one will admit they have it.

The hospital face similar problems, we have no doctors and no equipment. People will not come to the hospital because they see it as a place to die. It is just horrible. Some of these people have easily treatable upsets but when left untreated for so long they have little to no chance of survival. Last week we managed to convince a man to let us take his wife to hospital, she had malaria and dysentery  she was so weak she could barely crawl out the door, yet he still insisted she was better off at home. He will not visit her there and the hospital cannot provide food so she will very likely die and then the fear will be instilled in his family forever more. We have however managed to buy 8 bicycle ambulances so we can at least make getting to hospital a bit easier if at all.

Getting around here is a nightmare, there is usually a good eight of us in a minibus heading off to different projects each morning. We quite often have to work for a good 30 minutes which through hot sand is not the most fun!

We also have a wound clinic that we hold in two different locations and we see some pretty hideous things! Mostly they are superficial injuries that have been left untreated and so end up engulfing an entire limb. This is run completely by volunteers so this is really helpful to the locals, it means they can get treatment without fear of having to go to hospital. We are so lacking in equipment that quite often we will have no choice but to dress something in an unsuitable type of dressing as it is better than leaving it gaping open...

It is not all doom and gloom though! The Malawian people are amazingly friendly. You can work past 100 people in two minutes and every single one will say hello, how are you, I'm fine, what is your name etc etc - it makes getting around a very slow process! The kids love us, they shout mazungu mazungu and ask for jambule jambule - which means ghost and take our pictuuuure! They have all their secondary school lessons in English so we HAVE to get them speaking it someway or another. It is so so hard.

Last weekend I went on a three day safari - we saw elephants and hippos and sable, lots of antelope type things and a buffallo. We stayed in an amazing lodge, it was like nothing I've ever seen and some of the views here just literally take your breath away. There are baboons everywhere here so you kind of get used to them! We have two dogs at the house, Simba and Benji and they are excellent guards!

We also went on a sunset cruise as one of the staff at the house has a boat. The sunsets here are just incredible - I am yet to see a sunrise although I am up at 6am everyday. We are all usually in bed by 9/10pm at the VERY latest, it is not quite like home!

The house staff are really great, they look after us so well and the food is so good. We have a driver called Gibson who is absolutely hilarious and he cracks me up as soon as he opens his mouth, his wife had a baby last night and named him after our project co-ordinator Mark which is pretty special for him!

So that is pretty much it for now really, I can't really remember what else I've done so far, there is so much, it feels like I have been here for so long! I will appreciate my ridiculously easy life back home so much now. I have hundreds of photos and will put them up when I get back home. Only three weeks left now.

I am most looking forward to having a HOT shower, wow, can't even imagine what that will be like, it is impossible to remain clean out here, my feet are a nice shade of black and will probably remain so until my third or fourth shower on UK soil!

Tionana!

D-day Minus One...

This is it, the time is here!

One year of planning and a matter of hours before I head to Heathrow. Financially, this trip has crippled me, emotionally, I am more drained than I have ever felt but now I just feel ready. I am impatient to leave but yet to pack...

I don't have much time to go into anything more than a few thank yous....

They would be without a doubt for my family and friends and my colleagues.

If it weren't for them I probably wouldn't be going anywhere tomorrow so to them I am eternally grateful. They have helped the people I will meet in Malawi as much as I will do when I get there and start teaching, building and caring.

Project work will probably begin on the 9th/10th September once we have settled in to our accommodation  surroundings, village - Monkey Bay. I am not sure when I will next get to update on here but we do have internet access at our volunteers house.

I don't think I would have come close to making it to Malawi if people hadn't donated in such HUGE numbers. I never expected to raise as much money as we did, it was totally unexpected, it wasn't always easy but it made all the difference.

Malawi, for me is a huge turning point - I expect it to change my values and perspectives forever and I can only hope that shows on my return.

I will miss those closest to me more than they will ever imagine and I will miss what I see as 'normal' life but four weeks is so little time and more than anything I wish I could stay longer...

So I guess I will see you all on the other side...

Humbled.

Six weeks to go and we have had a pretty tough month in these parts. I haven't had much time to worry about the ticking clock on the countdown to Malawi.

Firstly, we lost a good friend in Lucinda & I don't really know what to say - but I will always remember hearing that any life, no matter how short lived, is never a waste. No matter how it ends.

It's hard to stay positive when people seem to be dropping around you. Young people too. Young makes it seem so much harder. How will I ever cope with the poverty and life expectancy in Africa.

Some people never do get over the things they see & that plays on my mind a lot.

I'm not really sure if there is any way to prepare...

I am happy to say on the other hand that my brother has set a date for his wedding, with his first son on the way & has asked me to be the sole reader at the ceremony.

I'm having trouble trying to decide on what I might like to say and what they might like to hear.

Luckily I have never had to read at a funeral. I'm not sure if I could ever manage that, but part of me hopes that one day I would have the strength to read for someone I loved.

As each day passes
we sit and wonder why?
Why you were taken
without a chance to say goodbye
and as we start thinking
with tears running down our cheeks.
We think of life without you and it really makes us weep

We think of the future
and nothing seems that bright nothing is the same without you by the families side
all we have is memories and a hole inside our hearts.
We knew how much we loved you from the very start.

In loving memory of Lucinda, Brian, Daniel

We live in hope that we lose no more.